Ring...Ring...Ring....
Hello?
"Yes, is this Autumn. Who is this?"
"This is year 2003. How are you today?"
"I'm a little confused as to why a year is calling me but other than that I am fine."
"Sorry to interrupt your day but we are doing an inventory and we need your fall wardrobe back."
"Excuse me."
"Yes, your three pair of jeans that no longer fit even though you think they do... they belong to us as does that black sweater you wore on your first date with your husband."
"Is this a joke? And for the record that sweater still fits...I suppose it depends on how much I ate for lunch and the time of the month, but given the correct conditions I still look like a total knockout. Same for the pants. I can wear each pair for a maximum of three hours. Which gives me just enough time for throw them on for a date. So, no, you can't have them back."
"They simply aren't flattering or in style. We need them back. You can put them in a plastic bag on your front porch. We will stop by around midnight to pick them up."
"No, you can't have them. Don't you understand that I've had two babies and that I actually started running and doing lunges to fit back into them? I have gained and dropped a sum total of eighty pounds. You can't take my pants! How will I know when I'm back to my old shape? They are my trophy pants! I'm still 22! I swear I am! I always will be!"
"Mam, that is something you need to work out for yourself. We will be by at midnight. Please throw in that pink sweater, the one with the hole in the armpit...and that sweatshirt with the numbers, and that pink shirt with your initial on it. All of them. I don't want to call again."
...sounds of sobbing...."2003, you were so good to me...why the sudden backlash?"
Click. Buzz of dial tone....
So...I'm going to bite the bullet. I am going to make a large and generous donation to the D.I. Have any of you, my two readers, ever had a hard time letting go of clothes? Am I the only one? I mean they still fit...sort of.
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ugh, I have absolutely been there. I try to give away clothes I haven't worn in a year but it is really, really hard to give things away that I once loved.
ReplyDeleteof course we have all gone through that especially is you have had kids. but think of all the nice new clothes you can get and look fabulous in.
ReplyDeleteWith jeans, yes. I have a pair that are totally deemed inappropriate because, well there are two large holes in the crotch. Yes, most people's jeans wear out first in the knee or something, but mine wear out where those thighs rub together.
ReplyDeleteBack to the point...I refuse to get rid of them. I will sew a patch of yellow fabric with floral print on the inside before I throw them away.
There is also something about jeans that cries out to me more than tops saying "you'll be able to fit into me again...one day."
I have to say, I kind of like it. Maybe it's because I feel like I can buy more! I have to do the sorting for my hubby though and he does have a hard time getting rid of them. I do, however, have veto power. :)
ReplyDelete:)
Oh, man! 2003 is such a jerk.
ReplyDeleteYou look great (always do) and after gaining/losing 80 lbs. collectively, you TOTALLY deserve to buy yourself a few new pairs of "magic jeans"! And some cute date night tops to go with it! Have you tried Express lately? They have a booty fit and a leg fit and you can mix and match until you get the perfect fit for you.
Great post.
ReplyDelete2003 was good to us. So was 2001 and 2002 -- I have a lot of clothes still in my closet from our single days together in "the city" with our new jobs and bigger incomes (well, bigger than flat-broke in college). In fact today I am wearing the shirt that I wore in my engagement picture taken 6 years ago this month. Light blue long sleeves from The Gap. I have the same shirt in 5 colors.
Let's go shopping!
Oh Autumn.......I love you!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I laughed through the whole thing. And what do you know, I just gave away all my clothes from 2003 just a few weeks ago. Okay, not all of them. I just couldn't bear to do it! Some of the clothes reminded me of 2003 - in the blue house, but I think they would still be in style, if I ever fit into them. But I cried when I gave the other bag away. I'm so pathetic! hahah! So I LOVE this post!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, we need to chat if we have the same calling! I need your ideas!!! :)
thats hilarious!! i love it!i still have my most fav but its a hard thing. in fact i would hate to see yours go....give them to me!:)and one day....i thinik maybe, maybe, maybe, i will fit into them...btw, what is your number?
ReplyDelete