Realization

This picture has nothing to do with my topic, I just get a kick out of seeing my husband looking inspired as if he is ready to conquer the computer programming world. When he was looking for a job, we took a billion pictures of him for his online resume. This is one of them.

Back on topic. I've come to a realization. I can't always be a gigantic go-getting goal setter. Ever since I can remember I've set goals, some of them silly, some of them grand, but I've almost always accomplished them. I don't take my goal setting lightly. I really think about something, ponder it, then ponder it some more. When I finally take the plunge, I know I am serious. I didn't take running a 5K lightly. It was torture of the truest form. A little after Gracie was born I made a conscious, well thought out decision that I wanted to be a writer. Writing is something I love, it's something I want to do, something I feel driven to do. While Gracie was in her first year, and when I was relatively friend-less, I wrote my first novel. It was a delightful experience, one I thoroughly enjoyed. The entire manuscript was recently requested by a company. It's an LDS Young Adult novel. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

As painful as it is for me to admit this, my goal-setting self is having a hard time keeping up with my goal, which is essentially writing ten pages a day. Every time I go to write, I fall asleep. There you have it. Right now I have a sweet daughter that requires constant vigilance from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes down. Sean is gone during all those hours. I have a gestating son that requires constant nourishment. For the past couple of months, I've been berating myself for not keeping my goal. I have really never done this before, but after much thought and pondering, I've decided to switch my goal. I'm going to focus on being a whiz bang mama. I can't physically keep up my writing and I'm so creatively blocked that I can't put together a decent sentence. At least I have my blogging, that I am still able to do!

I figure that soon enough Gracie will grow out her terrible two's, Jared will be four months old and taking regular naps. I will be able to get back to my ten pages everyday soon enough, until then, I am going to focus on being a mom, and enjoying the time I spend at home.

I am going to let the guilt go and just be happy.